Today.....not so good

Sometimes you just have to deal with it. Feeling blue, being sad, feeling down. Some people when they feel like this will even say they are so depressed. But really, is after having a bad day really mean you are depressed? If you are sad because not everything in your day turn out like you hoped for does that mean you are depressed? Wikipedia describes Depression like this,

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person's thoughts, behavior, feelings and sense of well-being. People with depressed mood can feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, ashamed or restless. They may lose interest in activities that were once pleasurable, experience loss of appetite or overeating, have problems concentrating, remembering details or making decisions, and may contemplate, attempt or commit suicide. Insomnia, excessive sleeping, fatigue, aches, pains, digestive problems or reduced energy may also be present. 

I have Depression. I was diagnosed with depression and have been dealing with depression for years. Dealing with it mostly alone. Trying to get through the hopeless feelings that comes with this mood disorder all by my lonesome. Dealing with the shame that comes with having a mood disorder by myself. Yes my best friends know I suffer with this, and they do what they can, but sometimes there's nothing anyone can do. I fight this battle alone

I have been married for 14 years and we have a beautiful 13 year old daughter. I hide my feelings from her. I want her to have a normal teenage life without having to worry about her mothers moods. My husband knows also but doesn't seem to understand, or maybe he just doesn't want to understand. Maybe he is ashamed that his wife has a mood disorder. 

Usually when spring rolls around I start to feel better. This year not so much. I have written in my blog how I usually celebrate Spring because its the time of year things start to look up for me. This year it hasn't happened yet. I find myself wondering what is really wrong with me and ask why I cannot snap out of it. But maybe this is a wake up call on how I am living my life. Maybe I need to make some difficult decisions and big changes.

So I reach out to you all who have suffered with depression and have won your battles. I know it couldn't have been easy for you to win, but I bet hearing about your fight will encourage me and motivate me on the changes I need to make in mine. Cause today I need a change, because today was not so good.